*Take A Look Arnd*

* Long Post Alert*

After some time for myself, i tend to see myself clearer, and alot of people in a different light....its finally the countdown for my ORD, as i write this its six more days to my ORD and while i eagerly wait for the release, i can say i relish the fact that i need to make a decison in which path i take...i mean it was easy waking up each day and knowing i already am on a path and just striving on that...sometimes its easier when you do not have a choice..

I have two choices, one to fulfill my childhood wish to study in aussie, come back with a degree and work on that...ideally after doing my degree i come back and become a lecturer while doing my masters...The other is a hidden dream to be my own boss and i have an opportunity presenting itself to me now, i always had a wish to start a business and watch it grow, for me a business is like your baby you got to nurture it well and if you are good enough you have a well grown child in the future...but the risks of business plus the capital is killing me....

Alot of people can vouch for me that i rarely get serious and prefer to look at the world with a cheeky grin rather than with serious thought...but when i do i get very serious and now i feel how people look at me...i feel so serious doing stuff, i been working my ass off and sometimes i wish things just get into motion faster, i am sick of waitin, i demand results and when it comes to work i set a very high standard...

I got this off someones blog but the blogger decides to not name himself so i cant credit him but i am not so shameless to credit myself the wisdom... He said, People Don't Change- You Just Never Knew Who They Really Were...excellent for how i feel right now....i have been too busy or maybe too carefree in my attitude towards people and now that i have more time to think and ponder i see alot of different sides in people...i am not shocked by this, i have seen my fair share of changes but what shocks me is how gullible and how trusting i have become...wise men have often said its not the cheat but the one who got cheated who is the bigger fool....alot of people have changed from the nice words i heard and as the army has taught me no one gives a rats ass about anyone else than themselves...

I have given my life to others, i have rarely sacrificed others happiness for my own...even at my own heartbreak i have given for others...i have hurt myself over and over for people yet they join allies and mock me, i am impressed sweetheart.....another darlin i have sit thru and talked you through alot of things yet today you want to be the first to leave, well done my darling...I have always covered your back and yet today jus once i wasnt arnd and it becomes i have deserted you, i didnt before, but maybe i should...

I never expected much for all i did for people and time and time again they wish to return it to me, return their scowls and anger...well i have had enuff, its time for me to worry for someone i have forsaken for a long time...ME....alot of people have told me to f the world and stop worrying for people but i paid no heed to them and i guess its time for them to say i told you so.. alot of times i felt so much for peoples pain that nowadays when i hurt it seems weird, each time i hurt i immediately msg my frens and ask if they are okay, but my own pain seems distant...today it all falls into place...i dnt want vengeance i dnt want anythin from anyone...seriously i have enuff trusting i have enuff giving....

That said and done, i have taken all thats been said about me and done with a pinch of salt as my own failings, but i still carry this scars and i carry the rage to make me move....dnt push further seeing me not replying to your blows, i stil have alot of strength and alot of rage....i seriousli want to push the past behind and move forward, if u cant be of any help dnt be a hindrance...or in simpler terms get the fish outta my way...

The simple joys, i have discovered the simple sides of life, positive thinking, smiles of children and most importantly the fact that i am alive....

Aniwaes a bright spark in my weekend is the amount of kids i have running around my house....my cousins are moving houses and thus in the process having to live in mine till their new house is renovated so adding to my own nephews i have four new kids, plus having them arnd a few other cousins come stay over....today i woke up to my bed housing 9 kids and two tweens...i loved it, i always loved kids and their innocent babble...i loved watching them discover new things and their weird yet adorable answers to lifes mysteries..i always wanted to have alot of kids if i get married and today was a good example...

A hectic emotional and thoughtful week is ended with great kids making my day, they say that kids learn alot when they are young but i say that we can learn alot from children....I learnt alot